


Does Anybody THINK Before They Speak???

by mashiee



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: ??????, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, No beta I just die, Texting, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, actually pls dont ill probably cry, ahshaskdaadjlk, arlo: i hate it here, chatfic, disaster lesbian evie, disaster pansexual simp isen, does this qualify as that?, elaine and her Highly Questionable backstory, for evie specifically, holdens kinda a snitch but only when arlo denies that he was simping, i think??, im doing this instead of my homework hsajhsa, isen and blyke being STUPID, john didnt go joker at wellston bc my heart cant handle this rn and i just want them all to be happy, john is a simp but he would never admit it, rei is still alive fight me, remi legally cannot curse, sera does drugs, sera has a cat that she is Not supposed to have, sera's also a disaster, spaghetti the purple cat that hates remi, this is a Disaster but so am i so, this is the kinda shit arlo has tto put up with and he Hates it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29764764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mashiee/pseuds/mashiee
Summary: This is just a really self indulgent unOrdinary chatfic because I just want them to be HAPPY.Everybody's kinda ooc but that's okay bc this is for fun purposes. Will be multi-chaptered but the chapters may be short so I plan to have a lot of them. I don't plan to have any kind of plot in mind, just fun times. Please leave comments, I love them! And feel free to give me any suggestions, I'll do my best to put them in! I really hope you enjoy!! <3There will be ships in this but I'll tag them as I go, as well as appearing characters. I don't plan to make the chatfic centered around shipping, but who knows where my writing will take me haha.I get most of my ideas from things on my Pinterest feed :P
Relationships: Evie/Seraphina (unOrdinary)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 23





	1. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for clicking! I hope you enjoy! Leave any suggestions and comments below!

_[7:31 PM]_

**_Remi_ ** _added_ **_Arlo_** _,_ **_Blyke_** _,_ **_Elaine_** _, and 1 more to a group chat!_

**Remi:** So i made a royals gc bc i’m bored :)

**Blyke:** cool

 **Blyke:** wait why is Elaine here? 

**Remi:** Honorary member! 😋

 **Remi:** she heals everyone so much that i figured she might as well be considered a royal

**Blyke:** Understandable 

**Elaine:** aww thanks!

**Remi:** ofc! (^_−)☆

**Arlo:** Ugh I hate this already

**Remi:** if you try to leave I will end u 

**Arlo:** hmm 

**Arlo:** sounds fake 

**Remi:** >:/

**Blyke:** hey you can't do that she's babie!!

**Remi:** yeah! I'm babie! >:/

**Arlo:**...

 **Arlo:** ugh

**Remi:** >:/

**Seraphina:** she is in fact babie they are right

* * *

_[1:32 AM]_

**Blyke:** wait can I add isen

 **Blyke:** pls

**Seraphina:** wanna see ur bf?

**Blyke:** ANDBSBSBSBSNE SHUT 

**Blyle:** HE'S NOT MY BF PKAY

**Seraphina:** yeah yeah sure lover boy whatever u say

**Blyke:** JENEHEBEBEVEBEAJVQVWVSBDDBSBBSBSBSBSBSBSBDBSBSBDBD

**Remi:** yeah!! sure! add him! y’all can add anyone else u want to also for that matter! 

**Remi:** ig since elaine is here it isn’t really a royals gc anyway hrrrrr

**Seraphina:** Bet

 **Seraphina:** oh and while we’re at it

**_Seraphina_ ** _changed their name to ‘_ ** _Sera_** _!’_

**Sera:** sweet

**_Blyke_ ** _added_ **_Isen_ ** _to the group chat!_

**Isen:** owo what’s this?

**Blyke:** SASAJSKSJDADKSJA NOOOOOOOOO BURN IITTTT

**_Blyke_ ** _kicked_ **_Isen_ ** _from the group chat!_

**Blyke:** I made a mistake

**Remi:** JENSBEBSBBSVEBEBRRVEVRV OHMY GO F

**Sera:** BWHWHWHWHWSBSBABJSJSJKSJA

 **Sera:** waIT

 **Sera:** HOL UP

 **Sera:** I NEED TO ADD

 **Sera:** SOME PEOPLE

**_Sera_ ** _added_ **_John_ ** _and_ **_Evie_ ** _to the group chat!_

**Sera:** Perfect

**Blyke:** oh..him...

 **Blyke:** idk who tf evie is tho

**John:** well fuck you too dude

**Sera:** she frien 

**Remi:** oh okay!! nice to meet u!

**Evie:** uh

 **Evie:** hi! i think!

**John:** wtf

 **John:** what is this

**Sera:** group chat for the royals that has very quickly become Not for the royals

**John:** i see

**Sera:** pls never say that again that was disgusting 

**John:** >:(

**Remi:** oh wait i guess i should add isen back in

**Blyke:** NO HE HAS TO BE BURNED

**Remi:** BLYKE SHUT UP HES OUR FRIEND

**Blyke:** OWOSPEAK IS FORBIDDEN 

**John:** *uwuspeak 

**Evie:** what’s wrong with uwuspeak!! >://

**Blyke:** WHATEVER

**Remi:** he!! is!! our!! FRIEND!!

**_Remi_ ** _added_ **_Isen_ ** _to the group chat!_

**Isen:** h-hewwo??

**Blyke:** STOP IT

**Isen:** YOU FUCKING KICKED ME OUT U ASSHOLW

**Blyke:** YOJ DID UWUSPEAK

**Isen:** YEAH??? AND??

**Blyke:** NEVER DO IT AGAIN

**Isen:** NO FUCK U

**Remi:** BOYS PLEASE

**Blyke:** ...

 **Blyke:** Fine

**Isen:** fine

**Remi:** thank you

**Isen:** yw :)

**Blyke:**...yw..

**John:** that was slightly amusing to watch

**Arlo:** why the entire fuck are all of you texting at  _1:49_ in the GODDAMN MORNING

**John:** looks like someone didn’t get their beauty sleep

**Arlo:** ...

 **Arlo:** i don’t know why you’re here now but i will _end_ you

**John:** cant wait ;)

**Arlo:** ew wtf

**John:** ;)

**Arlo:** bye

**John:** bye bye! ^^

**Remi:** JABEBEBBEJEJWJAJDDNSN

**Evie:** i-

**Isen:** BWWWAHAHAHAHHAAHHA

 **Isen:** WIAT WAIT

**_Isen_ ** _changed the group chat name to ‘_ ** _Arlo is afraid of John? it’s more likely than you think_** _!_ _’_

**Isen:** Perfect

**Arlo:** change it

**Isen:** no🧡


	2. in which john has problem, sera and evie are screaming, and a band was formed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the first ship commences.......evie/sera! (listen i love them okay)
> 
> all my hcs are starting to come to light lol
> 
> also my oc for john's sister and her bf have a very brief mention

**_Arlo is afraid of John? it’s more likely than you think_ **

_[3:09 PM]_

**John:** i am begging you

 **John:** _please_ stop walking around the apartment in JUST BOXERS

**Isen:** Blyke you walk around your apartment in only boxers??

**Blyke:** no???? wtf??

**John:** this is...not the right group chat...

**Blyke:** DO WE HAVE ANOTHE RPWRSON IN OUR DORM WTF

**John:** NO

 **John:** i’m just visiting my sister rn and her bf lives w her

**Blyke:** oh

**Evie:** i Hate that for u

 **Evie:** i have an older sister who has a gf and every time i go to visit i Die inside bc my sister’s gf does the same thing

 **Evie:** which usually i probably wouldn’t have cared like whatever do what u want it’s ur apartment 

**Evie:** but i’m a Raging Lesbian

 **Evie:** so it’s a Problem

**John:** how dare you understand my problem so well like that

**Sera:** John ur attracted to men??

**John:** yeah??????? i mean men are shit and generally ugly, but have you seen SOME of them??

**Sera:** lmao i’m ace looser

 **Sera:** can’t relate 

**Evie:** *cries in crush on Sera*

 **Evie:** OH MY GOD THAT SENT

 **Evie:** IM GONNA DIE HOLY FRICK

**Remi:** OH NO

**Sera:** i-

 **Sera:** i meant i’m not Sexually attracted to people

 **Sera:** I’m still very much a biromantic

**Evie:** THAT DOENST MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER

**Sera:** d-do you wanna go on a date??

 **Sera:** this friday?

**Evie:** oh my god

 **Evie:** yeah? please???

**Sera:** okay that sounds good

**John:** i just want you to know that Sera is running around the room screaming rn

**Sera:** SHICT THE FUCK UP JOHN

**John:** :)

**Isen:** shict

**Sera:** NSSBEBS FUCK U

**Isen:** i mean obv not

**Sera:** >:(

**Evie:** oh don’t worry i’m screaming too it’s fine

**Sera:** :)

**Evie:** aaaaaaaahhh

**Blyke:** that’s kinda cute tbh

**Isen:** aaawww

**Remi:** i’m happy for u two!!

**Evie:** thanks!! i don’t know how this happened but i’m not complaining!

**Sera:** aksjshhdbdbbsdbd

**Arlo:** what did i just walk in on

**Remi:** Sera just asked evie out on a date!! 

**Arlo:** uh

 **Arlo:** who?

 **Arlo:** i mean good for u ig but

**John:** oh my god i’m an asshole but JESUS CHRIST

**Arlo:** i’m this close John

**John:** pull the trigger coward

**Arlo:** bet bitch

 **Arlo:** drop ur location 

**John:** nah come find me

 **John:** if u gonna beat me up you gotta put effort into it

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** i can see you walking from school to ur dorm

**John:** so ur on the roof then?

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** maybe

 **Arlo:** HSHSSBEBSBBSBSBSNSNS

 **Arlo:** WHAY THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

**Elaine:** OH MY FGDOSNBWNSBSBESVV

**Arlo:** WHAT THE FUCK

**John:** :P

**Isen:** I JUST SAW THAT OUT OF TJE CLASSROOM JDNEHEBEEBE

 **Isen:** IM WHEEZING HOLY SHIT

**Sera:** what???

**Remi:** WHAT HAPPENED

**Elaine:** okay okay so john and i were walking back to the dorms together and were both kinda on our phones hence the gc

**Blyke:** why are you two of all ppl walking back together??

**Isen:** band practice

**Elaine:** yep!

**Sera:** y’all are in band?

**John:** no u misunderstand 

**John:** Isen, Wlsinr, and i have a band

 **John:** WLSINR???

 **John:** WHAT THE FUCKBNBSSBSBSB

**_Isen_ ** _changed_ **_Elaine_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _Wlsinr_** _!’_

**Wlsinr:** NOOO

 **Wlsinr:** CHANGW IT BACK

**Isen:** MWUAHAHAHAHA

**Blyke:** YALL HAVE A BAND WTF

 **Blyke:** WHY YALL THREE OF ALL PPL???

**Wlsinr:** okay so we were all three in the library and it was rlly full bc it was before midterms so the three of us had to share a table

 **Wlsinr:** and Isen was listening to music w headphones but then he accidentally ripped them out when trying to get a book from his bag

 **Wlsinr:** and “Whispers in the Dark” by Skillet was playing and john and i went Wild bc rock/emo music yes pls??

 **Wlsinr:** and the three of us had to be sent out of the library bc we all went Bat Shit but essentially we now have a rock/emo band 

**Wlsinr:** I’m the singer, Isen is electric guitar, and john is on drums!ヾ(☆▽☆) 

**Remi:** wait that's actually...really cool

**Sera:** I still wanna know why isen, elaine, and arlo just lost their shit and What They Saw

**Elaine:** oh that

 **Elaine:** john looked up and located Arlo on the roof and put his fingers in the universal ‘ok’ sign and then stuck his tongue thru 

**Elaine:** so

**Sera:** JOHN

 **Sera:** WHY

**John:** got me some weird looks but arlos reaction was worth it

**Arlo:** i am actually going to kill you 

**John:** cant wait ;)

**Arlo:** nvm i’m killing myself instead

**Blyke:** i am _s h o o k e t h_ to the core

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment!


	3. speak of the devil and she shall appear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my oc for john's sister makes an appearance! (shes not added yet tho, i plan to do that later ;))
> 
> in which john is threatened, isen is roasted, ot3 turned otp turns back into an ot3, and john is Afraid

_[8:32 AM]_

**Sera:** **_@John_** WAKE TF UP WE HAVE A PROJECT DUE THAT WE HAVE TO PRESENT I AM NOT DOING GHIS ALONE YOU KNOW SHE’LL MAKE ME

**John:** FUCK YOU IM HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS 

**Sera:** LIKE HELL YOU ARE GET TF OVER HERE I AM NOT FAILING BC OF YOU

**John:** BOO YOU WHORE

**Sera:** YOU THIBK YOURE THE ONLY ONE HAVING A CRISIS OVER THE PROJECT???

 **Sera** : IM HAVING ONE TOO HOE

**John:** IM HAVING A CRISIS OVER SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THANK YOU VERY MUCH

**Blyke:** okah honestly what could be worse than having to present a project mr. fesnirs gave you?

**Isen:** yeah no offense but ur kinda overreacting??

**John:**

**John:** I just got told by my sister that if i don’t loose my virginity by break that she was going to throw an an aztec style sacrifice the virgin party

 **John:** so no

 **John:** i’m not overreacting 

**Isen:** i retract my statement holy shit

**Sera:** okah nvm i’ll do this project on my own as long as i get to throw the party with her

**John:** first of all

 **John:** HOW DARE YOH

**Wlsinr:** i second what sera just said i am also helping with the party

**John:** ELAINE WHY

**Wlsinr:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Arlo:** what the fuck

* * *

_[4:56 PM]_

**Isen:** you think being gay is hard??? try being only attracted to clowns

**John:** narcissism ain’t cute sis

**Isen:**

**Isen:** I-

**Blyke:** HSBSBEBSBSBSBSBSSSADSAD

 **Blyke:** BAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHDADLSKADKLDSASAKDANS

**Remi:** BABABBABASBBABSHSHAHAHDSAHNKMsdaknkdsalsSAHDSAD

**Isen:** there’s literally no possible response i could say to that where i come out a winner

 **Isen:** i’ve actually never been owned this hard before

 **Isen:** i think i legally owe you money now??

**Sera:** okay not that that wasn’t absolutely amazing but who are you and where have you taken john

**John:** lmao i’m his older sister, he’s visiting me atm

 **John:** i made him go buy milk bc we were out and he left his phone here and unlocked so i figured i’d fuck around until he got back

 **John:** i saw the message and the opportunity with it so i took it lol

**Isen:** WAIT ARE YOU THE ONE THAT SAID YOUD THROW THE AZTEC STYLE PARTY???

**John:** ghshebebrbdbsbsnsnns

 **John:** he told you abt that??????

 **John:** lmao clown activity 🤡

**Wlsinr:** OAHSNBEBEBDBDBBD

**Sera:** yo i like u already can u replace my older sister she left 

**John:** I’m adopting you right now

**Remi:** ...my older brother went off to college can u adopt me too?

**John:** yes. i am adopting u too

**Remi:** :)

**Blyke:** forget that i want blackmail on john for eating my goddamn leftovers!

**John:** okay, but u have to be specific on what kind of blackmail u want bc i have As Much Blackmail As Could Be Possible on john

**Blyke:** literally anything that i could use to make sure he never eats my fucking leftovers again

**Remi:** okay eating leftovers that aren’t yours is a crime punishable by _death_ john dies TONIGHT

**John:** wait wait hold on are u the girl w the electric ability? pink hair i think?

**Remi:**..yeah?

**John:** lmao i remember John telling me fairly recently that after seeing you accidentally shut down all the city’s power on accident w/out the switch or whatever that he’s now fucking Terrified of you

**Remi:** ...he is?

**John:** yeah lol

**Isen:** WAIT THAT WAS _YOU_????

 **Isen:** _YOU_ SHUT DOWN THE CUCKJNG CUTY?????

**Sera:** cuckjng cuty

**Isen:** SHUT THE FICN IP

**Sera:** ficn ip

**Isen:** BICH ISTG IM GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT U 

**Isen:** IDC ABT THE FACT THAT ILL PROBABLY LOOSE IM GONNA FICKING FIGHT YOU

**Sera:** go off ig

**Blyke:** YALL SHUT THE FUCM UP

 **Blyke:** remi when john gets his phone back pls threaten him for me thank 🙏

**Remi:** no problem bby (^_−)☆

**Wlsinr:** i genuinely can’t tell if y’all are dating or if that’s fake flirting

**John:** my bet is that it’s real flirting but they aren’t dating bc they’re cowards

**Remi:**

**Remi:** hey by any chance where do you live?

**Blyke:** I-

**Isen:** how dare y’all not tell me y’all were flirting?? y’all just kick me out of this ot3 like this and make it an otp? how dare you?

**Blyke:** wiat i’m sorry bro come back i love you too

**Remi:** wait isen we love you too we promise

**Isen:** i better be seeing y’all flirting w me too then smh

**Remi:** ofc baby we love you 💞💞

**Blyke:** 💕💕💕💕can confirm

**Isen:** aaaaaaahhaaaahhhh 💕💕💕💕💞❤️❤️ ily too 

**John:** aww how sweet

 **John:** GFFTDB

 **John:** NBSBEBEBEBFBRnebebbehHEHW

 **John:** 2622))3)3)!3!3!3!3!3 NSHABEbsbsbvd. nanakbsnab!-!-!-!-‘abdbrheve|!{!{€{^€{

**Sera:** uh hello??

**John:** JOHNSBACK ANDHEWANT SHISPH ONE

 **John:** JENBEBSBSBSBABABABAWB NSNAnas ajjsjakakasnsn 

**Isen:** dude are you dying 

**Blyke:** i hope so

**Isen:** yeah me too

**John:** okay first of all fuck yall

 **John:** second

 **John:** what the _FUCK_ DID SHE TELL YOU

**Sera:** scroll up my dude

**John:** FUCK

 **John:** remi i won’t do it again but PLEASE don’t kill me im BEGGING YOU 

**Remi:** oh my god you actually are afraid of me???

**John:** i am not above admitting that you Fucking Terrify me bc if anything i find that admirable 

**Remi:** i think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

**Blyke:** nicest thing he’s ever said to anyone here

 **Blyke:** except for maybe sera

**Sera:** no it’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to anyone here

  
 **Isen:** damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and thank you for reading!


	4. im just trying to date ur dadddd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John almost exposes himself but then Isen exposes HIMSELF instead

_ [4:40 PM] _

**Sera:** i can’t wait till i get that job at starbucks bc i’m gonna purposefully spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups

**Isen:** are you satan

**John:** are you god

**Blyke:** are we humans

**Sera:** or are we dancer?

**Remi:** is this the real life?

**Wlsinr:** or is this just fantasy

**Evie:** no this is PATRICK

**Arlo:** horrible job everyone

**Sera:** personally 

**Sera:** i think that was a beautiful response to my message

**Isen:** okay i don’t mean to interrupt that beautiful symphony but i’ve been thinking about this ALL DAY and i need to SAY IT

**Sera:** go ahead

**Isen:** thank you

**Isen:** _ ahem _

**Isen:** john coming to our high school was like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by a submarine 

**Wlsinr:** HEHSBEBSSBBSHSBSBSNSNSNNS RHEHGEHE HHHRRRRRRREERRRRRR

**Remi:** WBWBWHWHHWHWHWHWHAHAHAAHAHA

**Remi:** Oh my GOD

**John:**

**John:** I-

**John:** i don’t even—

**John:** there’s like nothing i can say to that

**Blyke:** damn you made the asshole himself speechless

**John:** just bc remi and arlo have found a way to keep my on a leash does not mean i won’t find a way to beat the fuck out of you

**Blyke:** cash me outside how bout dah

**Sera:** wait i knew about Remi but arlo??

**Arlo:** this is news to me

**John:** ??????

**John:** you literally pinned me down and threatened me saying that you would find a way to get my sister on hand

**John:** listen i fear very few people, but my sister is and forever will be at the top of that list

**John:** and nobody will ever compare to how terrified i am of her. like i love her, but she’s fucking terrifying

**John:** i do not play when it comes to my sister i assumed you were serious for my own safety 

**Arlo:** when did i pin you down?

**John:** ?? what the fuck are you talking about you did it yesterday??

**Arlo:** no?? i wasn’t even at school yesterday??

**Remi:** i can’t tell if john’s lying or if he’s having a stroke

**John:** i might be having a stroke?? bc i vividly remember this so maybe i hallucinated it or some shit?

**Blyke:** why would you hallucinate being pinned down by arlo?

**John:** fuck if i know dude ur guess is as good as mine

**John:**

**John:**

**John:** oh

**John:** i-

**John:** nvm i know exactly what happened 

**Isen:** what happened?

**Remi:** ??

**John:** uh

**John:** don’t worry abt it pls thx

**Arlo:** ?? wtf

**Sera:**

**Sera:** john

**Sera:** did you

**Sera:** did you have

**Sera:** did you have a

**John:** DO NOT

**John:** SHUT UP SHUT UP

**John:** SHUT

**John:** YOUR MOUTH

**Wlsinr:** did

**Wlsinr:** did what i think happened happen?

**John:** N O

**John:** LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT PLEASE AND THANK YOU

**Isen:** i’m still not following??

**Isen:** i am confusion?

**Isen:**

**Isen:** WIAT NOT THATS THE WRONG IMAGE

**Isen:** OH MY GOD

**Isen:** THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT TO DO

**John:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Remi:** I SE N  _ WHY _ DO U HAVE THAT

**Isen:** IT WAS  _ FUNNY _ OKAY

**Blyke:** that is not funny that is CURSED

**Sera:** well what did you mean to send?

**Isen:**

**Isen:** THAT ONE

**Sera:** okay that’s acceptable 

**John:** i’m still scarred over the mental image of isen trying to date my dad

  
**Isen:** NSNDBEBSBSBSANNAM I DIDNT MEAN TO SEND IR SHEBBSBEBSBEBSBENANA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a comment!
> 
> Tell me what you think John was freaking out over. I have something specific in mind but I wanna hear what y'all think.


	5. what language is this?????? daddy??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know NOTHING about either German or French, so if anyone has any pointers please tell me. I just used google translate here T_T

_[9:32 AM]_

**Remi:** usgh some guy behind me was like “you gotta pull girlie” when i pushed the door and it didn’t move like obviously??

**Sera:** hshs ugh

**John:** ja prost mann, mein nächster plan war sie von unten hochzuheben!

**Isen:** wh

 **Isen:** what the fuck

**Remi:** pls translate

**Arlo:** i believe that’s german

**John:** no fucking shit arlo congratulations 

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** Je vais t'emmener directement à la porte d'entrée du paradis espèce de salope de porc-épic fébrile et inculte

**John:** jokes on you i was born in germany not france so i have no idea what the fuck you’re saying

**Blyke:** i just translated it and he said,

 **Blyke:** “I am going to uppercut you directly to Heaven’s front door you uncultured feverish porcupine bitch”

 **Blyke:** i’m SCREECHING

**John:**

**John:** how dare you???

 **John:** bicc?

**Remi:** wait! what did john say before!

**John:** i said “aye cheers lad the next plan was to start lifting from the _fuCKING_ BOTTOM!”

**Remi:** okay valid

**Blyke:** understandable 

**Blyke:** you may proceed 

**Sera:** wait john you grew up in germany? and arlo you speak french?

**John:** yeah we moved here when i was like 12

 **John:** so kinda just before middle school

**Arlo:** yes

 **Arlo:** i’ve never been to france before but everyone else in my family migrated to america when ma mère was about 9 i believe 

**Arlo:** so i grew up learning both french and english

**Remi:** ooooohh!! 

**Isen:** ya know that kinda makes sense

**Evie:** i’m not from germany myself but my grandma was and i’ve learnt some german from her so it’s kinda cool to know there’s another person in here who speaks german haha

**John:** neato 

**John:** i’m sorry i really want to respond excited or whatever but i genuinely have no idea what to say like i am genuinely excited about this it’s cool

**Evie:** oh that’s okay don’t worry about it!! ^^

**John:** ah

 **John:** is this what friendship feels like?

**Sera:** _ahem_

**John:** u threw me out a window earlier today

**Sera:** yeah okay that’s fair

* * *

_[8:32 PM]_

**Arlo:** Chaque fois que j'ai un doute je me demande “Que ferait John?” Ensuite je fais exactement le contraire parce que c’est un idiot

**John:** square up hoe

 **John:** let’s fight i’m not afraid to fite u

**Evie:** tag yourself i’m john using fight and fite in the same sentence 

**John:** hey fuck you

**Evie:** no thank you am gay

**John:** jokes on you im gay too so all i could possibly mean is an insult

**Evie:** i mean

 **Evie:** that’s fair

**Arlo** : john you have the intelligence of a goldfish i am not afraid to say it dumbass

**John:** fick dich 

**Arlo:** i’m assuming that says fuck you and in that case, wow so original 

**Arlo:** Paysan allemand

**John:** französischer baguette douchebag

**Arlo:** hm

 **Arlo:** fuck you i’ve decided

**John:** that an insult or an offer?

 **John:** bc if that was an offer i’m down dude let’s go

**Isen:** Oop-

**Arlo:** I Am Going To Kill You

**John:** cant wait daddy🖤

**Remi:** I-

**Isen:**

**Isen:**

**Isen:** actually tbh that’s fair

**Blyke:** Isen??

**Isen:** Arlo is hot i’m not afraid to admit it

**Sera:** you Useless pansexual

**Isen:** Correct ✅

**Arlo:** i hate you so much

 **Arlo:** i genuinely cannot express my hate for you in words

**Isen:** :(

 **Isen:** i technically just complimented you??

**Arlo:** that was meant for john but i got it out a bit late, sorry

**Isen:** oooohh

 **Isen:** makes sense

**Sera:** arlo? saying _sorry?_

**Arlo:** shut the FUCK up sera

**Sera:** no💜

**John:** then u can express ur hate for me when u fuck me daddy 😝

**Remi:** HSHSHEBSBHSBSSBSBSBSBS

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** SERA COME GET YOUR BITCH

**Sera:** evidently he’s not mine anymore

 **Sera:** lmao he’s your problem now

**Blyke:** HOLY SHITSBSBBSBE

 **Blyke:** I CANT BREATHE

**Wlsinr:** I THINK I JUST PEED A BIT FROM LAUGHING TOO HARDSNABSBNDNSBSNDB

**Remi:** ME TOO AKSHSDHHSBSNSNSBBSBSBSBDBBSBSNSN

**Isen:** WIAT THIS IS SO FUNNY

**Arlo:** ALL OF YOH SHIT UP YOU INCELS

**Isen:** gonna be honest rn, i wanna put this in the newspaper so fucking badly

**Arlo:** if you do that i Will end you

**John:** ^ choose your next actions carefully isen :)

**Isen:** YES SIRS

**Wlsinr:** that’s a power couple right there

**Arlo:** ELAINE I SWEAR

**Remi:** you shouldn’t tell people that you swear arlo that’s not very nice :(

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** Remi you are Very lucky that i respect you

**Remi:** wait you respect me??

**Sera:** arlo respecting people?

 **Sera:** _gasp?_

**Arlo:** i respect you slightly because your powerful and can keep people in check, plus you unlike everyone else here have your fucking shit together 

**Arlo:** sera on the other hand i Do Not respect

**Remi:** i think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

**Isen:** saying “unlike everyone else here” implies that you don’t have your shit together either arlo

**Arlo:**

**Arlo:** that

 **Arlo:** is a possibility 

**_John_ ** _changed_ **_Arlo_** _’s name to_ _‘_ ** _Daddy💞_** _!’_

**John:** ;)

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** why are you the way that you are

**John:** because i have mental trauma 😘

**Evie:** i mean

 **Evie:** that’s fair

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** just

 **Daddy💞:** someone kill me

**Remi:** no you must suffer with us

**Sera:** hmm somethings not right here

 **Sera:** oh i know

**_Sera_ ** _changed_ **_John_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _Thotticus_** _!’_

**Sera:** that’s better

  
 **Thotticus:** damn i do be lookin hot w this name tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a comment!


	6. GOOSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And more headcanons appear! Including the one where people spar for fun because honestly why not.

_[2:32 AM]_

**Isen:** _them: u wanna get naughty? ;)_

_me: ...yea_

_santa claus, taking off the hot person mask: you just fucked up pal_

**Remi:** HSHSHSHSHHSBSBEBEUEBBE

 **Remi:** isen what the fRICk

**Blyke:** what are you on dude??

 **Blyke:** can i have some?

**Isen:** i am not on any drugs believe it or not but if u DO want drugs go talk to Sera

**Sera:** how dare you expose me like this?

**Isen:** i saw those drugs under your bed, the bag of cocaine 

**Isen:** i ain’t going to jail for something i ain’t commit

**Sera:** it won’t matter bc you’ll be dead instead

**Isen:** well

 **Isen:** it was nice knowing yall 

**Blyke:** sayonara isen, our friendship was good while it lasted

**Isen:** i’m gonna miss u bro

**Blyke:** me too bro 

**Remi:** WIAT SERA

**Sera:** ...yes

**Remi:** please don’t kill isen 🥺 i’ll be sad then :(

**Sera:** you make a compelling argument but i’m not completely convinced 

**Sera:** i’m gonna need some...payment per say

**Remi:** SERA IM POOR

**Sera:** then i guess isen will just have to die

**Evie:** wait sera!! 

**Sera:**...yes?

**Evie:** pls don’t!! :(

**Sera:** okay

**Thotticus:** SIMP

**Blyke:** SIMP

**Isen:** SIMP

**Wlsinr:** SIMP

**Sera:** AL L OF YOU SHUT UP

**Thotticus:** MAKE US HOE

**_Thotticus_ ** _changed_ **_Sera_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _SIMP_** _!’_

**SIMP:** JEJSBEHSHSHSSBSJSJSJNWMSMAMAN

 **SIMP:** ALRIGHT BET BITCH

 **SIMP:** IM HEADING OVER RIGHT NOW

**Thotticus:** baSHHSBSHSHHSZBZZBZZBZBBZBZZZZZZZZZZZZ

**SIMP:** …??

 **SIMP:** i appreciate the fear but i’m not even at ur dorm yet??

**Thotticus:** what the FUCK

**Wlsinr:** what happened??

**Thotticus:** Remi and i were sparring earlier and naturally i copied her ability

 **Thotticus:** but i just sneezed and electrocuted myself

 **Thotticus:** we spared HOURS ago????

**Remi:** OH RIP

 **Remi:** I HATE IT WHEN I SNEEZE BC I _A L W AY S_ ELECTROCUTE MYSELF

**SIMP:** that’s rough buddy

**Remi:** ok zuko

 **Remi:** oh have i told y’all abt how ever since we were little rei and i used to say ‘Pika…’ before we sneezed to make the pikachoo sound?

**Wlsinr:** no thats so cute???

**_Isen_ ** _changed_ **_Remi_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _pikACHOO_** _!’_

**pikACHOO:** AAAAHHH YESS

 **pikACHOO:** ISEN ILY 

**pikACHOO:** 💕💕💕💕💕💕

**Isen:** yw!! 😘❣️❣️

**Blyke:** i want love too :(

**pikACHOO:** 💓💗💓💗💗💗💗💗💗💘💘💜❤️💞💞💞

**Isen:** ❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️💞💞💞❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ 

**Blyke:** :)

 **Blyke:** 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

**_pikACHOO_ ** _changed_ **_Blyke_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _SQUIRREL_** _!’_

 **_pikACHOO_ ** _changed_ **_Isen_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _bbysaur_** _!’_

**pikACHOO:** now we all match!! we all have our fav gen 1 starters!!

**SQUIRREL:** WAIT WHY AM I SQUIRREL

**pikACHOO:** WHEHHSHSHSHSAGAB IT AUTO CORRECTEANSBBRBRBRBR

 **pikACHOO:** IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SKRRTLE

**Wlsinr:** SHEBHEBEEBHESVDJS SKKRTLE IM-

**bbysaur:** LEAVE IT LEAVE IT

**SQUIRREL:** shbsbehsgshakakshdjsj

* * *

_[11:44 AM]_

**SQUIRREL:** john just came inside and told me “i do not like the cobra chicken” 

**SQUIRREL:**?????????? what the FUCK are you talking about 

**Thotticus:** I DIDNT START LEARNING ENGLISH UNTIL I WAS LIKE 12 I DONT REMEMBER THE ENGLISH WORD FOR IR

**pikACHOO:** shhshshshshs does this stuff usually happen to bilingual speakers??

**Daddy💞:** yes

**Evie:** yep!

**bbysaur:** yeah, it’s funny later but it sucks in the moment

**SQUIRREL:** isen you’re bilingual? 

**bbysaur:** i’m hispanic dumbfuck 

**SQUIRREL:** ITS NOT MY FAULT I DIDNT KNOW

**bbysaur:** YOU WERE _T H E R E_ THIS MORNING WHEN I CUSSED SOMEONE OUT IN SPANISH FOR BREAKING MY PEN

**SQUIRREL:** I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE SAYING

**pikACHOO:** BOYS

**SQUIRREL:** sorry

**bbysaur:** sowwy 

**SQUIRREL:** _Isen_

 **SQUIRREL:** _shut up_

**bbysaur:** _make me_

**pikACHOO:** before they start anything, what other things happen to multilingual speakers??

**Daddy💞:** no matter how hard i try i genuinely cannot count backwards in english, i have to do it in french

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:** really?

**Daddy💞:** yes, it’s annoying but i cant fix it

**Evie:** wait i just realized i might be able to help!!

 **Evie:** ** _@Thotticus_** what’s the german word for the cobra chicken thing??

**Thotticus:** die gans

**Evie:** isn’t that goose??

**Thotticus:** YES

 **Thotticus:** YES

 **Thotticus:** THATS THE FUCKER

 **Thotticus:** THE FUCKIN BITCH

**bbysaur:** IM CRYING

 **bbysaur:** COBRA CHICKEN?????

 **bbysaur:** i am no longer ever referring to geese as geese or goose again, only cobra chickens

**SQUIRREL:** ^

**pikACHOO:** ^^

**SIMP:** ^^^

**Wlsinr:** ^^^^

**Thotticus:** STFU

 **Thotticus:** oh and evie

**Evie:** yes?

**_Thotticus_ ** _changed_ **_Evie_** _’s name to ‘_ ** _god is a gay woman_** _!’_

**god is a gay woman:** i-

  
 **SIMP:** preach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment or suggestion!


	7. Arlo's biggest regret? John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Elaine thought it was sad but they memed it, John and Arlo have something sketchy going on (feat. Mac n' Cheese), Isen recounts Arlo's mystery death which Evie solves, and Arlo regrets everything from the day he was conceived to the first time he so much as glanced at John

_[2:32 PM]_

**Wlsinr:** i have to read this one book for my literature project and i think i just came across the saddest line ever??

 **Wlsinr:** “she was poetry but he couldn’t read”

 **Wlsinr:** LIKE THATS SO SAD???

**SQUIRREL:** his name was jared hes 19

**bbysaur:** when his parents built a very strange machine

**pikACHOO:** watch that scene dig in the dancing queen

**SIMP:** aaaayy macarena 

**Thotticus:** terrible job everyone 

**Wlsinr:** this is not what i wanted to happen

**bbysaur:** **_@Thotticus_ ** wtf why do you sound like arlo

**Thotticus:** do Not compare me to that HOE Ever Again

**SIMP:** we know y’all don’t like eachother but did something specific happen recently?

**Thotticus:** he ate my fuckin mac and cheese

**Daddy💞:** maybe you should have kept an eye on it

**Thotticus:** OR MAYBE DONT EAT THE FOOD I MAKE????

**Daddy💞:** you were at MY apartment using MY stove any food made there is mine

**Thotticus:** that’s such bullshit???

**SIMP:** why were you at arlo’s apartment??

**Thotticus:** idk tbh i just kinda wound up here

**Daddy💞:** and i wish you didn’t 

**Thotticus:** fuk u

**Daddy💞:** very creative such an impressive insult

**Thotticus:** >:/

* * *

_[2:39 PM]_

**bbysaur:** i think??? i just?? i think i just watched arlo short circuit???????

**SIMP:** oh do tell

**pikACHOO:** _hm???_

**bbysaur:** okay so we were walking and talking, as sexy beasts like us do,

**SQUIRREL: 😒**

**bbysaur:** and john walks by and brushes against arlo bc john is NOT a sexy beast like the rest of us. and he looks at arlo for a split second and arlo just. stops?? walking?? and then his eyes get rlly wide and he starts looking at the ground like he’s having an existential crisis?? he’s been doing it for the past two min? we’re still in the hallway?????

**god is a gay woman:** wait wait

**bbysaur:**?

**god is a gay woman:** did john have his hair gelled 

**bbysaur:** no..? i don’t think so? why??

**god is a gay woman:** i myself am not attracted to men but i know striking gay panic and the general causes when i hear it

**bbysaur:** oh that makes sense

 **bbysaur:** WIAT OHM Y GO F

**Wlsinr:** does arlo is have gay?

**pikACHOO:**...yall couldn’t already tell??

**SQUIRREL:** no????

**SIMP:** arlo was ur brothers friend ofc u knew

**bbysaur:** no no that doesn’t count ive seen pictures of rei he was super hot anyone would be attracted to him

**SQUIRREL:** coming from you, the useless pansexual, that doesn’t mean much

**bbysaur:** yeah💔

**Wlsinr:** okay but have y’all seen the way arlo dresses outside of school?? it’s all proper and crap. ain’t no way in hell that kind of fashion sense is straight. he has GOOD fashion sense, he can’t be straight it’s just law

**SIMP:** you do make a compelling argument 

**Daddy💞:** …

 **Daddy💞:** this is what i come back to

**SIMP:** oop-

**bbysaur:** i just forgot i need to iron my pens bye

**Daddy💞:** _You Started This Conversation Isen You’re Going To Finish It_

**bbysaur:** YES SIR ಥ_ಥ 

**Daddy💞:** don’t call me sir

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:** yes daddy

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** where tf are you drop your location

**Thotticus:** daddy no!! don’t betray me ಥ_ಥ 

**Thotticus:** you can’t have another sugar baby it’s not allowed!! >:T

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** i Really wish i Never set foot anywhere near you

**Thotticus:** daddy! why!! ಥ_ಥ

**_Daddy💞_ ** _left the chat!_

**bbysaur:** i’m—

**Thotticus:** BABSSBEBVEBEBS I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD LEAVE—

**Wlsinr:** do you want him to stay????

**Thotticus:** i mean

 **Thotticus:** it’s funny fucking w him like this

**pikACHOO:** i need to fix this sjwhjananahanasbbs

**_pikACHOO_ ** _added_ **_Arlo_ ** _to the chat!_

 **_pikACHOO_ ** _changed_ **_Arlo_ ** _’s name to ‘_ ** _Daddy💞_** _!’_

**pikACHOO:** there is No escape

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** can y’all let me have a BREAK

  
 **SIMP:** no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave a comment! :D


	8. Dick Burritos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elaine is in love with Cecile I dont make the rules and John and Cecile are judgmental besties 
> 
> Yall can probably tell by the above ship, but i have a bad habit of getting super into crackships and theres nothing i can do about it sooooo yall are just gonna have to bear with mee T_T

_[9:08 AM]_

**Wlsinr:** everytime i see cecile i die

**bbysaur:** yeah she is v scawwy o(╥﹏╥)o 

**Wlsinr:** she certainly is scary in her own right but i was talking about how in love with her i am 

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:** _IM SORRY??!?!?!!_

**Wlsinr:** _i said what i said_

 **Wlsinr:** one day last year cecile threatened to tell the whole school that i eat dick burritos for breakfast if i told anyone that i caught her spying on a group of seniors 

**Wlsinr:** i’ve been in love with her ever since 

**SQUIRREL:** DICK BURRITOS IM—

**Daddy💞:** that fact that someone is in love w cecile is very concerning 

**Thotticus:** dude

 **Thotticus:** cecile has the entire newspaper club fucking _Whipped_

**bbysaur:** can confirm

**Wlsinr:** she also has basically the entire female population of the school whipped too

**pikACHOO:** yeah💗

**god is a gay woman:** absolutely💘

**SIMP:** _nobody:_

_everybody here except for arlo: Cecile💜_

**bbysaur:** _yeah🧡_

**Wlsinr:** _yeah💙_

**Thotticus:** i’d probably be in love w cecile too if i wasn’t ga Y aS _F UcK_

**god is a gay woman:** that’s understandable 

**SQUIRREL:** this is off topic but

 **SQUIRREL:** what if instead of grabbing your leg or arm or whatever a demon just straight up smacked ur ass

**Thotticus:** i mean

 **Thotticus:** what’s the demon look like?

**SIMP:** HABSBEBSBSSBBSNSNA 

**pikACHOO:** john is demonsexual confirmed

**bbysaur:** no no he has a point

 **bbysaur:** if hot then..ya know..they hot

**pikACHOO:** hrg

**Daddy💞:** y’all make me want to catapult myself into another building

**SIMP:** that

 **SIMP:** can be arranged

**Daddy💞:** _sera youre on thin fucking ice_

**SIMP:** _jokes on you i want to die_

**Thotticus:** speaking of Cecile, i’m hanging out w her rn and she just informed me that APPARENTLY there’s a rumor going around that i’ve never seen a MINIVAN BEFORE???????? what the Entire _FUCK_????

**Wlsinr:** i-

**bbysaur:** oh yeah i vaguely remember hearing about that lol

**pikACHOO:** wh-

**god is a gay woman:** _how does that even happen_

**SIMP:** _your guess is as good as ours_ _babes_

**Daddy💞:** “babes?”

**god is a gay woman:** aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh 😳😳😳

**SIMP:** shut—

**Daddy💞:** hm

 **Daddy💞:** No

 **Daddy💞:** i don’t think i will

**Thotticus:** oop—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhjahjadsjasdkjdas i hope yall dont mind that this one was shorter than usual ddaaaaaahhhh im sorry!! i hope u enjoyed!! leave a comment they always make me smile :)


	9. >:-|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> john gets EXPOSED  
> and then holden outs arlo bc holden is cool like that
> 
> and ya know,, the rest of it

_[1:26 AM]_

**god is a gay woman:** USVENSVENSMANMANESJSJJSJSHD SJSHSKJSBS JSSHNSW SBAMAMSJMSSHENJSJ

**Daddy💞:**??????

**god is a gay woman:** WE’RE IN HISTORY CLASS AND THE TEACHER ASKS IF ANYONE HAS EVER BEEN TO NEW ORLEANS BEFORE AND REMI ASKS “Does Popeyes count??”

 **god is a gay woman:** AhhesjshbHhhrjdhhSHSJJSJSHSHEHDJSEBBSJSBBESJSKHFKSHDFJ

**Daddy💞:** I-

**pikACHOO:** STOP IT DONT MAKE FUN OF ME

**SQUIRREL:** remi what made you think that popeyes had ANYTHING to do with new orleans???

**pikACHOO:** LEAVE ME ALONE

**SIMP:** y’all remember that one time in history class when isen accidentally presented his entire history project in spanish but the history teacher knew spanish fluently too so isen didn’t have to redo it and then he turned to blyke and in english was like “how do you think i did?” and blyke was like “dude i literally had no idea what the fuck you were even saying” and isen was like ???? and then the teacher informs him that he presented his entire project in spanish but he just assumed isen meant to do that because he was scared or something and then isen gets super quiet and then he says “okay” in a super quiet voice and looked super distant for the rest of class

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:** who gave you the right—

**pikACHOO:** OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT

**bbysaur:** YOURE JUST TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT FROM YOURSELF

**pikACHOO:** AND IF I AM??

 **pikACHOO:** WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT ISEN

**bbysaur:** STOP IT THIS IS PANPHOBIC 

**Thotticus:** are we bullying isen?

**bbysaur:** NO

**pikACHOO:** yes

**SIMP:** yes

**bbysaur:** >:-|

**Daddy💞:** what the fuck is that

 **Daddy💞:** that’s disgusting 

**god is a gay woman:** NOT IN MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER

**bbysaur:** >:-|

**SQUIRREL:** stop that

**bbysaur:** no

 **bbysaur:** >:-|

**Thotticus:** i just overheard my sister say “contrary to popular belief the female black widow spider does not always kill and eat her mate. if she has recently been fed the male spider is often allowed to live”

 **Thotticus:** and then i look over and see her bf frantically getting out a pot to boil spaghetti 

**pikACHOO:**

**Daddy💞:**

**bbysaur:**

**god is a gay woman:**

**Wlsinr:**

**SIMP:**

**SQUIRREL:**

**SIMP:**

**SIMP:** i had a pet tarantula once

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** why

**SIMP:**

**SIMP:** scare my sister

**Wlsinr:** you must have been a demonic sibling

**SIMP:** yeah

 **SIMP:** i was terrified of spiders but i wanted to scare my sister and also they look kinda cool so

**Daddy💞:** generally people don’t involve themselves self with things that terrify them what the hell???

**Wlsinr:** i disagree

**SIMP:** look if it excites you and scares the shit out of you at the same time then you should probably do it

**Wlsinr:** and i live by that

**bbysaur:** well time to fuck a blender i guess

**pikACHOO:** OH MY GOD ISEN NO

**bbysaur:** OH MY GOD ISEN YES

**Wlsinr:** ISEN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:** you want like a list or

**Thotticus:** rt

**SIMP:** mood

**Wlsinr:**

**Wlsinr:**

**Wlsinr:** i asked for this

**bbysaur:** we’re in a band together u should have known this would be my response

**Wlsinr:** stfu you walking carrot

**bbysaur:** i am

 **bbysaur:** _o F F E N D E D_

**Wlsinr:** _Good_

**SIMP:** oop

**SQUIRREL:** 👁👄👁

**pikACHOO:** never in my entire life would i have thought blyke would ever use that emoji combination 

**SQUIRREL:** 👁👄👁

**bbysaur:** 👁👄👁

**Thotticus:** 👁👄👁

**god is a gay woman:** 👁👄👁

**SIMP:** 👁👄👁

**Wlsinr:** WHAT IS HAPPENING 

**SIMP:** 👁👄👁

**god is a gay woman:** 👁👄👁

**SQUIRREL:** 👁👄👁

**Thotticus:** 👁🍆👁

 **Thotticus:** *👁👄👁

**bbysaur:** they’re not even in the same section how

**Thotticus:** it was in my recent

**Wlsinr:**

**Wlsinr:** john why do you have that in your recents—

**Thotticus:**

**Thotticus:** …

 **Thotticus:** it’s part of arlo’s contact name

**pikACHOO:** wh at

**bbysaur:** WHOA THERE

**Daddy💞:** excuse me?

**SIMP:** ohohoho

**Thotticus:** ya know, cuz he’s a dick…

 **Thotticus:** dont make this somethiNG IT ISNT GODDAMNIT

**bbysaur:** you’ve literally told me that you’d do anything for arlo simply bc HE is the one asking but go off ig

**Wlsinr:** you’ve told me you'd ask arlo to bench press you

**SIMP:** the first time you saw arlo you stared at him as he walked by and then you turned to me and asked if he was single

**god is a gay woman:** i’ve seen you miss the class entry way and walk into the wall instead bc you were watching him while walking

**SQUIRREL:** you were kinda high and rambling to me about all the pretty guys you’ve met and hardcore simped for and you said Arlo was probably #2, second only to ur sisters bf who you said was the hottest person you’ve ever seen in you entire life

**pikACHOO:** i’ve seen you doodling him in class, which it was super good btw but that’s not the point

**Thotticus:**

**Thotticus:**

**Thotticus:**

**Daddy💞:**

**Thotticus:** what the fuck—

 **Thotticus:** who the hell said yall could—

**Daddy💞:** so you’d do anything for me?

**SIMP:** 🤭

**Thotticus:** maybe

**Daddy💞:** i’ll keep that in mind then

**Thotticus:** AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASSHOLE

**Daddy💞:** i find it rather amusing

**SIMP:** that is a big fat fukcing lie

 **SIMP:** holden just texted me and told me he was looking over your shoulder to see why you were blushing bc apparently you were blushing harder that holden had ever seen ANYONE blush, which according to him is very surprising bc apparently his bf is Very blushy

 **SIMP:** but he said that he was looking to see why u were blushing and he didn’t exactly see why but he wanted to inform me that u were lying 

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** that little bitch—

**Wlsinr:** the beans today are abundant 🍵

**bbysaur:** i have been served a whole ass MEAL 🧘

**Thotticus:** well at least i’m not the only embarrassed one 

**Daddy💞:** who said i was embarrassed? 

**Daddy💞:** someone doesn’t have to be embarrassed for them to be blushing you know

**Thotticus:** WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SINGLE ME OUT LIKE THIS

**pikACHOO:** judging by where this conversation is going he probably _doesn’t_ want you to be single 

**pikACHOO:** if you catch my drift

**Daddy💞:**

**Thotticus:**

**SIMP:**

**bbysaur:**

**SQUIRREL:**

**god is a gay woman:**

**Wlsinr:**

**Wlsinr:** remi you can’t just—

**bbysaur:** well at least someone said it

 **bbysaur:** their sexual tension is ridiculous

**Daddy💞:** isen you have no right to talk with the amount of sexual tension you, blyke, and remi have

**pikACHOO:**

**bbysaur:**

**SQUIRREL:**

**SQUIRREL:** dude—

 **SQUIRREL:** you can’t just call us out like that—

**Daddy💞:** i’m king i can do what i want

**pikACHOO:** not with that attitude you can’t (^‿^)

**Daddy💞:** and you're going to stop me how?

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:** ( *・ω・)✄╰ひ╯ 

**bbysaur:** o_O

**SIMP:** rip all arlo’s future kids

**Thotticus:** wym, he don’t have any kids in the future

**SIMP:** shit u rite

**Daddy💞:**

**Daddy💞:** become friends with these assholes they said 

**Daddy💞:** it’ll be fUN—

 **Daddy💞:** THEY SAID

**god is a gay woman:** are you okay?

**Daddy💞:** not in the slightest but thank you for asking

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:** since when do you say thank you—

**Daddy💞:** evie is the only person here who hasn’t done anything wrong

**pikACHOO:** even me? 🥺

**Daddy💞:** ESPECIALLY YOU

**pikACHOO:** WHAT DID I DO ಥ_ಥ 

**Daddy💞:** you’re really going to ask me that question when you electrocuted me this morning

**pikACHOO:** I ALREADY SAID SORRY

 **pikACHOO:** I SNEEZED

 **pikACHOO:** I ELECTROCUTE EVERYONE WITHIN THE VICINITY WHEN I SNEEZE, INCLUDING MYSLEF

 **pikACHOO:** YOU KNOW I CANT CONTROL IT

**Daddy💞:** i am aware but that doesn’t mean i can’t be mad at you for it

**SIMP:** why are you always mad at someone

**Daddy💞:** well

 **Daddy💞:** you know how i’m always filled with rage?

**Wlsinr:** oh god

**god is a gay woman:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**bbysaur:** uh

**god is a gay woman:** sorry

 **god is a gay woman:** i panicked

**Daddy💞:**

**pikACHOO:**

**Thotticus:** not that that isn’t a mood but—

 **Thotticus:** why

**god is a gay woman:** listen i don’t control what my brain wants it just wants me to do something and i’m like okay sounds good and then i do it

**SIMP:** that’s fair

**SQUIRREL:** valid

  
 **god is a gay woman:** :,)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to make this chapter longer bc the last one was kinda short i hope this is good enough compensation *sweats*
> 
> thanks for reading :D leave a comment!


	10. ??sPAgheTTi????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! this chapter is kinda short so sorry in advance abt that *sad face*
> 
> sera has a cat,,, nothing goes well after that

_[5:28 PM]_

**Daddy💞:** i have a question

**pikACHOO:**???

 **pikACHOO:** what is it?

**Daddy💞:** why did i just walk out of my dorm to see _purple_ all over the dorm building walls and floor?

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:** okay that, i have no idea

 **pikACHOO:** but since when did you live in the dorms?

**Daddy💞:** the headmaster put out a new rule that we all have to live on campus for the time being bc of all the increased EMBER attacks

**pikACHOO:** oooooooohhhh

**god is a gay woman:** do you have a roommate?

**Daddy💞:** not right now but there’s supposed to be some new kid in my grade that’s coming like next week or something that’s going to be my roommate 

**pikACHOO:** do you know anything about him?

**Daddy💞:** only that he’s in my grade

 **Daddy💞:** now,

 **Daddy💞:** ** _@Thotticus_** **_@bbysaur_** **_@SQUIRREL_** why the FUCK is there purple all over the dorms 

**Thotticus:** okay i had nothing to do with this i was napping and then you wOKE ME UP

**Daddy💞:** then go back to sleep you fucking crybaby

**Thotticus:** exCUSE

**bbysaur:** okay so… blyke and i _may_ have messed up just a itty bitty little bit

**Daddy💞:** doing **_what_ **

**bbysaur:** …

**SQUIRREL:** …

 **SQUIRREL:** we took sera’s cat that she has secretly bc it’s against dorm rules for us to have any pets and we dyed her purple 

**SQUIRREL:** but then she got loose before she was dry

**Wlsinr:** WH AT THE UFCK

**Daddy💞:** …

**SIMP:** EAINE AND I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR SPAGHETTI FOR HOURS NOW YALL FUCKING TOOK HER???????

**Thotticus:**

**Thotticus:** you

 **Thotticus:** you named your cat spaghetti?

**SIMP:** SHUT UP ITS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT

**SQUIRREL:** LISTEN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY

 **SQUIRREL:** AND IT WAS

 **SQUIRREL:** BUT SHE GOT LOOSE

**pikACHOO:** i’ll help look!!

**Wlsinr:** bless u remi u absolute angle

**Thotticus:** ah yes i love when it’s christmas and the angles are singing

**Wlsinr:** SHUT UP I MEANT ANGEL

**god is a gay woman:** remi is a-cute angle! 😸

**pikACHOO:** aaawwwww!!

**SIMP:** evie i love you sO MUCH

**god is a gay woman:** isnsbsdhsnanndbsbs aaaaaAAAAAHHHHhhaaA aaA AAAAAaaaahHHhhhH

**bbysaur:** yall useless lesbians HELP LOOK FOR THE CAT

**SIMP:** BE QUIET WE ARE HAVING A MOMENT

 **SIMP:** AND ITS BIROMANTIC TO YOU MISTER

**bbysaur:** IM SORRY ABT THE WRONG SEXUALITY BUT FUCK YALLS MOMENT 

**SIMP:** NO 

**SIMP:** FUCK YOU

**Daddy💞:** YALL SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP US LOOK FOR THE GODDAMN CAT OR I SWEAR TO GOD ILL MAKE YALL REGRET THE DAY YOU WERE FUCKING CONCIEVED 

**SIMP:** f i n e

_[5:54 PM]_

**pikACHOO:** I GOT HET I JAVE THER CAG SEPA PLS COME GEY JER SGE DOESNT LIKE ME SHE SKEEPS SVAYCHIB ME SHEE DOWNST LOKW MW

 **pikACHOO:** SWEA PLD GURRU I TJIBK OM DYINF 

**pikACHOO:** OJ MU GOF WJY ARW GER MAILD AO LOMG 

**pikACHOO:** IM SO SPRRY ELAIME IN GOMMA MEEF AO MICH JEALIMG 

**god is a gay woman:** we’re coming!!

**Wlsinr:** it’s okay it’s not ur fault! i’m otw right now!

**SQUIRREL:** y’all can understand a word of what she’s saying???

**Wlsinr:** idk how tbh

**pikACHOO:** UM NEING MAULKEF NY A VRAXY CSU HEVK YUIO BKUKE

**bbysaur:** i think she’s gone yall, she’s dead

**pikACHOO:** USEN OM GONND LILL UPU CIME JELO NW

**bbysaur:** …????

**SIMP:** omw rn

**pikACHOO:** PLWASR JURTUY

**SQUIRREL:** i’m not convinced that she isn’t just key smashing

**bbysaur:** same

**Wlsinr:** okay the cat is back and secured in sera and i’s dorm but remi has so many scratches on her i--

 **Wlsinr:** ive never been so perplexed before we found remi and her shirt was deadass shredded???

**SIMP:** the tiddy was showing 👁👄👁

**pikACHOO:** your cat literally sliced my nipple in half i didnt even know that was possible

**bbysaur:** WHAT

**Thotticus:**

**SQUIRREL:**

**Daddy** 💞 **:**

**god is a gay woman:** oh honey i am so sorry

 **god is a gay woman:** like ive never had that happen before but i HAVE been punched in the boob before and it is NOT FUN

**pikACHOO:** honestly i feel more sorry for elaine then myself

 **pikACHOO:** that must have been so embarrassing to heal

**Wlsinr:** actually thats not even near to the Weirdest thing ive had to heal 

**SQUIRREL:** im afraid to ask…

**Wlsinr:** i grew up in a town filled with nothing less than crackheads (and that is a HUGE understatement), as the only girl in my house (two dads, one younger brother, and two older brothers--one my twin), and on an orange orchard/farm 

**Wlsinr:** whatever you think you can imagine that ive Seen, i promise you with every fiber of my being it will not even be remotely close to the things i have experienced 

**Daddy** 💞 **:** i,, ,

**SIMP:** 👁👄👁

**pikACHOO:** elaine,,, where exactly did you grow up,,,,

**Wlsinr:** …

 **Wlsinr:** i cant tell yall

**bbysaur:**...why??

**Wlsinr:** bc theres someone that goes to our school that lived in the same city as me and we were best friends in middle school along w my brother and i dont think theyve realized who i am yet and id like to keep it that way

 **Wlsinr:** i didnt realize who they were at first either but then they came into school one day w/out their usual getup and it just kinda,,,, all came togehter,,

**SQUIRREL:** wait but who is it who is it 👁👄👁

**Wlsinr:** _Transaction Declined_

**god is a gay woman:** thats a big ripd

**SIMP:** ripd

**Thotticus:** ripd

**SIMP:** _if you ever do evie like that again ill castrate you, you walking human disaster of an emo_

**Thotticus:** 🤡

**bbysaur:** sera ur kinda an emo urself……

**Thotticus:** 🤡🤡🤡

**SIMP:** aww fuck i cant believe ya done this

**pikACHOO:** isen if u ever insult my queen like that again i will electrocute your soul directly into hell’s ninth circle 😡

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**bbysaur:**

**god is a gay woman:** ultimate power move

 **god is a gay woman:** just refuse to acknowledge their threat entirely

**pikACHOO:** you just lost your life privileges isen

**bbysaur:** *chuckles* haha i’m in danger

  
 **SQUIRREL:** i,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed! leave a comment! they always make my day :)
> 
> that new roommate i briefly mentioned and the past elaine has w mystery student will come into play later ;) feel free to tell me your guesses on it!


	11. arlo is a TOLL boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know uru-chan has confirmed that Blyke is 5'10,,, but,, what if he was shorter,, cuz like,, why not?
> 
> also arlo and his family are MONSTERS, elaine and remi are THICC, and isen is Once Again a pansexual simp disaster (tm)
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

_ [11:37 AM] _

**god is a gay woman:** i did NOT just actually witness that 

**SIMP:** i am LOSING my mind this is SO FUNNY

**pikACHOO:** ?? what???

**bbysaur:** spill !! the !! beans !!

**SIMP:** john just started a fistfight with arlo JUST to steal his wallet 

**god is a gay woman:** and then once he had it he just,,, ran off,, and that was it

**SIMP:** arlo was left on the floor in shock and reeling from what just happened 

**pikACHOO:** i,,

**bbysaur:** that’s a power move ngl

**Thotticus:** i forgot my lunch money :P

**Daddy💞:** so you thought it was a good idea to start a fight with me??

**Thotticus:** yeah😈

**Daddy💞:** why don’t you just fucking ASK like a normal fucking person!?

**SQUIRREL:** not arlo using the “!?” 😩😩

**Daddy💞:** not blyke using quotation marks 😩😩

**SQUIRREL:**

**Wlsinr:** oop—

**Thotticus:** to answer ur question arlo, why not? 😸

**Daddy💞:** well you didn’t have to fucking TACKLE ME TO THE GROUND

**Thotticus:** but i did anyway 😘

**pikACHOO:** i’m speechless

**Thotticus:** so,,,,,,,,, you could say i,,,, i took your breath away?

**Wlsinr:** not john using too many commas 😩😩

**Thotticus:** hey fuck you

**Wlsinr:** no u

**pikACHOO:** i would literally rather die like ur hot or whatever but you’re such a mean person

**Thotticus:** ouch

**Wlsinr:** we kinda been knew ngl

**Thotticus:** yeah 😩

**bbysaur:** it’s the remi using both ur and you’re in the same sentence for me

**pikACHOO:** hey :(

**bbysaur:** :)

**pikACHOO:** :((

**bbysaur:** :))

**pikACHOO:** :(((

**bbysaur:** :)))

**pikACHOO:** :((((

**SQUIRREL:** ❤️❤️❤️

**pikACHOO:**

**pikACHOO:** :)

**pikACHOO: 💗💗💗**

**bbysaur:** 🧡🧡🧡

**pikACHOO:** 💔💔💔 :(

**bbysaur:** :(

**SQUIRREL:** :)

**bbysaur:** 💔💔💔 :((

**SQUIRREL:** :))

**Daddy💞:** what the actual fuck am i witnessing 

**god is a gay woman:** shhhh they’re having a moment

**SIMP:** we must let them sort out their problems

**Daddy💞:** _ honestly fuck yall istg _

**Thotticus:** bet i’m down

**Daddy💞:** except for you

**Thotticus:** :(((

**Daddy💞:** i hope you choke a cactus you fucking weirdo 

**Thotticus:** yessss daddy call me a weirdo yesss 🤩

**Daddy💞:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Wlsinr:** ive officially lost it

**pikACHOO:** really???? right in front of my salad????

**Thotticus:** _ *spits in your salad*  _

**SQUIRREL:** 👁👄👁

**god is a gay woman:** officially shooketh 

**pikACHOO:** _ commit breathn’t you peasent  _

**bbysaur:** @ peasent

**pikACHOO:** stop coRRe CTI nG mE IS E n

**bbysaur:** no🧡

**pikACHOO:** :((

**pikACHOO:** 💔💔

_ [4:47 PM] _

**bbysaur:** is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

**Daddy💞:** does anyone in this godforsaken group chat  _ think _ before they speak??

**bbysaur:** do i ever what before i what now

**Daddy💞:**

**SQUIRREL:** no

**SQUIRREL:** we do not

**god is a gay woman:** can confirm

**Thotticus:** listen my sisters bf is 75% percent of my impulse control and my sister is the other 35%

**SIMP:** @ 35%

**Thotticus:** ???

**pikACHOO:** it’s 25% not 35

**Thotticus:** oh

**SIMP:** dumb bich

**Thotticus:** *dummy thicc bich

**Wlsinr:** _ *laughs in Actually thicc* _

**Thotticus:** :/

**Wlsinr:** 💙

**Thotticus:** 💔

**god is a gay woman:** wait IS elaine thicc????

**Thotticus:** yeah

**bbysaur:** mega

**SIMP:** huge thicc

**pikACHOO:** elaines thighs are THICC

**Wlsinr:** so are yours remi lmao

**pikACHOO:** das tru 

**bbysaur:** not to be a dumb pansexual simp but

**bbysaur:** i’d let both yall crush me with ur thighs

**SQUIRREL:** as if remi hasnt already crushed you with her thighs when you let her ride on ur shoulders????

**bbysaur:** ngl i agreed the first time mainly bc of that

**pikACHOO:** 👁👄👁

**bbysaur:** sorry

**bbysaur:** my good decision making is far outweighed by my hornyness and simping 🤷

**bbysaur:** i do it now tho bc it makes u happy :)

**pikACHOO:** oh

**Wlsinr:** lmao remi came over to have a movie marathon w sera, evie, and i and i just saw her clench her heart 

**bbysaur:** :))

**SQUIRREL:** why do u always ask him and not me :(

**pikACHOO:** …

**pikACHOO:** isen is taller…

**SQUIRREL:** 😔🤘

**Daddy💞:** you  _ are _ really fucking short 

**SQUIRREL:** STFU YOU 6’3 MONSTER LIKE HELL ANYTHING YOU SAY MEANS SHIT 

**SQUIRREL:** _ ISEN _ PROBABLY LOOKS LIKE A MIDGET TO YOU

**god is a gay woman:** what??? you are tall what are you talking about??? how tall are you??

**SQUIRREL:** i’m 5’7 ½ 😭😭

**god is a gay woman:** oh i thought you were like 5’10 or smth

**SQUIRREL:** I FUCKING WISH

**bbysaur:** dude if i look like a midget to arlo then you must look like an ant

**SQUIRREL:** 😭😭😭

**Daddy💞:** 🤷

**Daddy💞:** i mean my my dad is 6’7 so

**SQUIRREL:** WHAT THE FUCK

**SIMP:** what is your family MADE OUT OF

**Daddy💞:** _ height _

**Daddy💞:** my oldest brother is 6’6 ½, the twins are both exactly 6’5, and my sister is 6’4 something

**pikACHOO:** i-

**Wlsinr:** WH A T THE  _ F U C K _

**Thotticus:** wait so are you the shortest??

**Daddy💞:** no my mom is

**Daddy💞:** she’s like 5’7 or smth idk

**god is a gay woman:** your dad is a whole foot taller than your mom,,

**Daddy💞:** yeah i guess

**bbysaur:** 👁👄👁

**Wlsinr:** no wonder you’re such an asshole,,,,,,

**Daddy💞:** 😐

**Wlsinr:** i said what i said

**god is a gay woman:** this is Way Past but john why do you keep saying sisters bf instead of just saying his name?

**Thotticus:** idk it makes it sound mysterious and cool

**Daddy💞:** okay edgelord™ 

**Thotticus:** exCU s E

**Daddy💞:** yes u may be excused

**Daddy💞:** now get the fuck out of my dorm

**SIMP:** hol up—

**pikACHOO:** HELLO????

**bbysaur:** BEANS??

**Thotticus:** well excuse me you lucky lemon bITCH

**Wlsinr:** LUCKY LEMON BITCH IM CRYING

**Thotticus:** but i cant leAVE YOUR DORM LOOKING LIKE  _ T H I S _

**SQUIRREL:** OH????

**Daddy💞:** don’t be a baby you’re fine

**bbysaur:** YYOOOOOO DID YALL FUCK??????????

**Thotticus:** NO WTF

**Daddy💞:** no???

**SIMP:** that sounds FAKE

**Thotticus:** I JUST SPILLED WATER ALL OVER ME WHEN TRYING TO MAKE INSTANT RAMEN AND HAD TO BORROW SOME OF HIS CLOTHES WTF IS WRONG WITH YALL

**bbysaur:** why is wearing his clothes such a bad thing that you can’t go outside HMMMM????

**Thotticus:** BECAUSE THEY LOOK FUCKING HUGE ON ME IVE TRIPPED ON THEM AND FALLEN TO THE FLOOR LIKE 4 TIMES ALREADY 

**Thotticus:** BLYKE  _ JUST _ SAID THAT ARLO WAS A  _ 6’3 MONSTER  _

**Thotticus:** WE JUST WENT OVER THIS WTF

**SIMP:** as i said before

**SIMP:** that sounds FAKE

**Thotticus:** NO THE FUCK IT ISNT

**Wlsinr:** and what proof do you have of that????

**Thotticus:**???? what proof do y’all fucking want???????

**SIMP:** you don’t have any hickies or anything hmm??

**Wlsinr:** bite marks perhaps??

**bbysaur:** hand prints??

**Thotticus:** no?? wth?

**_Thotticus_ ** _ sent 1 image to the group chat!  _

**Wlsinr:** oh

**bbysaur:** ugh i haven’t gotten any beans in WEEKS this is SUCH a disappointment 

**Thotticus:** 😔🤘

**SIMP:** this is such a  _ Betrayal™ _

  
**Daddy💞:** boo you whore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading i hope you liked it! leave a comment they make me super happy!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Please feel free to comment and suggest! I love seeing comments and hearing your thoughts and I always respond! :)) 
> 
> And as a personal note from someone who often thinks like this, your comments and suggestions will NEVER bother me, I always love seeing them.


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